{feels like home}

I am back! It’s sure been awhile. I’ve missed my old friend “blog” and I hoping to renew my love for it! It’s been a long, hard road for me. I am having to pick up the pieces of myself and press forward with hope in the future… just me and my baby girl. My whole world has been flipped upside-down, it has changed. I never, ever expected this. I never thought I would be having to start over. But I guess Forest Gump was right when he said “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what yer gonna get.” So true, so true, I always thought he was smart. I know that some of you don’t know what’s happened. I’d be more than willing to share with you through email: millygrace84@yahoo.com. I am not uncomfortable talking about it at all. I just don’t think that details are necessary here. One thing I ask is please don’t judge or jump to conclusions. So if you have questions…please ask!

I’m thankful to those who have reached out to me through this. Words can’t express my gratitude to you. I’ve felt your sincere concern and prayers…thank you so much. It really helps to know that I am not alone. There is no way I could do this on my own without those helping hands, warm hugs, listening ears, and shoulders to cry on. They have truly helped lift my burdens. There truly are angels among us! I hope I can return the favor to you in some way.

I can never thank my parents enough for so lovingly taking us in and for everything they do for us. They make us feel comfortable and oh so loved. It feels like home. And it is. We've been very well taken care of. Brylie is one spoiled kid at Gramma‘s! There is no question of how unselfish they are. My mom is always putting everyone else’s needs before her own. She is always there when I need her. My dad would do anything for us. He helps us feel safe and secure. I honestly don’t know what I would do without them and my loving family. My bro Jesse said, “In hard times we gotta stick together.” Thank you to all my family. I couldn't do this without all of you. And to Nate's parent's and family, that includes you... You will always be my family.

Besides my incredible friends and family, the one who has been so perfectly there for me is my Savior, Jesus Christ. Without him I don’t know where I would be. As heart wrenching as this trial is, I know that it will mold me and polish me into what He wants me to be. He knows me better than I know myself and he sees what is in store for me and what I can accomplish and who I can become. I have been forced to my knees. I am grateful. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my Heavenly Father for this knowledge…it is priceless to me. The knowledge that He lives, that he suffered and died for me, for Brylie, for Nate…and for everyone. He knows exactly how to help me/us because he has been there, as if He were in our shoes. He is the perfect example of how to live and how to love. His love never, ever fails me. He stretches me…and it hurts! But I know it is for my good and He never leaves my side, unless I walk away from Him.

If you were to ask me today how I am doing, I would have to say “good!” If you were to ask me how I am tomorrow the answer might differ. The truth is I have good days and I have bad days like everyone else. But the good news is there are more good than bad, more good moments than bad. It’s a little bit like grieving in a way… it comes in waves. Up and down. I try to keep myself busy. I've been doing a lot of photography. (photography blog coming soon!) I'm also grateful that i was called to be the young women's beehive advisor in my new ward, it is truly a blessing. And i've started going to an institute class that i just love and learn so much from... For the most part I am happy and doing well, even if I have to have a good cry here and there. I am healing…I am full of hope…I am happy.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again that I believe that through shared experience can come shared hope and shared strength. It is very therapeutic for me. I hope that in some way I might be able to help someone out by me sharing some of my struggles, challenges…and my hopes and dreams and the things that I cherish and hold tight to my heart. That no matter what we are going through at the moment, no matter the differences, that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. "The best is yet to be."

I’m not the best at writing, but through my clumsiness know that I am trying. I’ve been reading a lot and people amaze me with there testimonies and experiences and how they deal with life. Don’t be surprised to find a lot of quotes of amazing people I find through reading and through the gospel. We can all learn a lot from each other and through sharing of ourselves. There are two titles that are sticking out in my mind today are simple yet so comforting to me and they are: “Finding joy in the journey,”(Thomas S. Monson) and “Come what may and love it,” (Joseph B. Worthlin). It funny how simple words can bring such peace to the soul, when we have doubts and fears about how to go on in life…

This thing we call blogging serves many purposes for me. One of them is to show off my beautiful girl. I love her so much, more than words can express. She is my little angel. She helps me see the meaning in life through her innocence and purity. She brings me so much joy and happiness. She is my life. I live for the sweet moments we share together... Here are some that you might have missed...

Halloween! My little kitty all ready for some tricks and treats!

We took the kids on a spooky train ride some of the neighbors had put together. It was really fun for them. This is an attempt at a group picture of them waiting for the train, the boys were in choo-choo heaven.

Brylie and I went on lots of walks when all this first happened. Lots of soul searching, pondering, praying for guidance and peace. This park is so beautiful. I was given a lot of peace and comfort while walking in this place...

This is us being silly in the leaves at home. We were making "leaf angels."

I just love this photo. It was taken on one of our many walks. I call it "light at the end of the tunnel."

All the grand kids keeping grandpa company, it makes me smile... {Thanksgiving weekend}

We had a sick house for quite a while there. We all got something, then something else, and around and around it went. My dad was actually in the hospital for a few days. It wasn't for anything that was contagious. My mom and i had to force him to go... literally, my mom had to pull him out the door. We thought it was his appendix because he was in pain on that side. But no, his intestines had burst! Yuck... He's doing alot better now. Thank heavens.

Here is my little sicky not feeling so good, sipping some "sick soup."

One day mom brought Brylie home some cowboy boots. She. loves. those. boots. She puts them on all the time and runs like a wild woman around the house. She also loves to "get pretty" with Gramma in the mornings... I call this "Boots and Curls."

Watching the first snow fall with her bear. Precious.

Throwing the last of the apples to the horses while sporting her festive green sweater...

She likes them apples too...

{Our Christmas card this year}

One cute girl playin' in the snow...

Sitting on Santa's lap... She would not crack a smile! Is it just me or does she look so big in this picture...?

Santa came! {Christmas morning}

Don't eat the yellow snow... {New Year's Eve}

I hope you all had happy holidays...hope you have many moments to cherish. Happy New Year everyone!