{sunday thoughts}

I just thought I would share some of the things that have been on my mind today. It’s funny, although these things are nothing new…they feel new. When I rediscover how true something is, depending on my life at the time, I see things in a whole new way…a better way. Never before in my life have I so yearned for inspiration and guidance, and never before have I felt it so strong and known it to be true.

I write for the purpose of preserving what I cherish in life. I’ve realized lately - that is the purpose of most the things I enjoy doing. But my writing needs some work, I am not good with words - to say the least. So I often wonder why it is that I have such a strong desire to share, document my life, and to create? My journal is filled daily of random thoughts, memories, quotes, personal experiences, moments I don’t want to forget, goals, fears, etc, etc…But no matter how much I write, I often can’t find the exact words to describe what is on my mind and in my heart. I believe some feelings really don’t have human words to describe them. I have confidence in the things I feel now more than ever, even if I don’t have the right words for them.
Of course, I’m not going to tell you my whole life story and everything that has been going on, or every little thing that is on my mind and everything I learn each day (wish I could, but who has time for that?) but I do want to share some - at the best of my ability. That’s the beauty of a blog, to give honest little bits of ourselves with just a push of a button, whenever you feel like it and the mood hits you right. I thrive on the words, testimonies, and experiences of others, on searching the scriptures and pondering on the experiences of the prophets and apostles. It helps me to not feel so alone. They give me hope. They help me feel more happy and full of love.

An article I recently read was by Jeffrey R. Holland : “The best is yet to be." It was like his words were just for me. Have you ever felt that way? It was amazing and I just wanted to share bits and pieces of it cause I loved it so much and don’t want to forget…

He starts off by saying, “Remember Lot’s wife.” I didn’t really know that story so I’m glad he summarized it a little… Lot and his family were to flee because the cities were about to be destroyed. “Escape for thy life,” the Lord said, “Look not behind thee…” Lot and his family did leave in the nick of time…then he goes on to say… “surely, with the Lord’s counsel - ‘Look not behind thee’ ringing clearly in her ears, Lot’s wife, the record says, ‘looked back,’ and she was turned into a pillar of salt.”--- “Just what did Lot’s wife do that was so wrong?… What was wrong with Lot’s wife was that she wasn’t just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back…It isn’t just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, (and here is the eye opener for me)… her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future.”

“I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives…

“Lot’s wife…did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently, she thought that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as what she was leaving behind.

“To yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now, to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future, and to miss the here and now and tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there and then and yesterday are some of the sins of Lot’s wife.

I love this:

“If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone saying, ‘Hey, do you remember this?’ Splat. --- Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, ‘Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?’ Splat. “And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what our Father in Heaven pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing."

Like a friend recently reminded me: “if you don’t stop picking at that scab, it’s not going to heal.” Thank you friend (you know who you are)…

“Dismiss the destructive, and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family, your friends, and your neighbors. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been as he does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go.

“Is there any future for me?…Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to stay in the past?…I call out, ‘Remember Lot’s wife.’ Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the ‘high priest of good things to come.’

“Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever.”

Wow. What can I say. I love those words, but most important the way they make me feel.

I finally got set apart today. The power of the priesthood is real. Through recent priesthood blessings I have received many specific blessings, counsel, and personal answers about my future and about my current challenges. The words the bishop spoke are still fresh in my mind. It is amazing. It is priceless. Heavenly Father wants to bless us all, and He will if we have faith in him and are willing to submit ourselves to Him, to His will, and His timing. I trust in Him.

I’ve never before been so thankful for trials than I have in the last few months. I listen and learn more in pain than I ever do in comfort…and yet I live for moments of peace and happiness which He mercifully gives me that outweigh the pain. I am able to listen and learn more from the spirit when I am looking forward, and not dwelling on the past. I’ve never before been able to see so many blessings in life, especially the one’s that are yet to be…

But my greatest blessing He has given me… will be waking up from her nap very soon.

She is my life today, tomorrow, and forever.

She is happiness. She is beautiful.
[fyi: these "glamour shots" were taken Jan 13th, the day after her birthday... fun fact: I "tried" curling her hair but it went kinda crazy...but i loved it anyway]