[ the stuff of dreams : beauty in the chaos ]

"For the first time in forever..." I'm blogging! (Frozen quote unintended ;))

In a basement with floors blanketed with naked barbies, and various other feet piercing objects. Where laundry and dishes pile up at ridiculous rates. In very limited space you'll find organized messes everywhere you look. I am learning to find beauty in the chaos. Im trying to really grasp the thought that this life goes by in a blink.

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the piles and piles of laundry will disappear all too soon, and that you will to your surprise, miss them profoundly." -Thomas S. Monson 

Today I conquered that mountain of laundry. I filled approximately 87 dozen sippy cups. I read silly books. Put blankies on babes. I soothed and held. I fed and changed diapers. I cooked dinner, and man, that meat was tough! I braved a fat, bloody lip, put there by a tantrum crazed two year old (who shall remain nameless). And no joke, I scooped poop out of the tub, courtesy Haizel... 

I may have dreamed of accomplishing pretty projects, or going on a date with my husband, or finally cleaning "that one room," or making some sort of difference in the world; somewhere - anywhere beyond this bubble I'm in. My kids may have eaten cereal for dinner, I may not have showered until mid day... But deep down I know, I know I am doing MY best and I'm doing the  L o r d s  w o r k .  I know He is pleased with my imperfect efforts. And the joy, oh the joy I felt today when I got to witness my baby walk. Soothe a sick child. Listen to silly stories from my oldest. And watching her serve her sisters. (She fed Haizel, cleaned up the mess, cleaned up some blankets while touting Haizel around, and sang cute songs to them afterwards. She even vacuumed later. And played "give me a hug" with JJ. All this without being asked!)

It's true what the prophet has said: "A happy home is but an earlier Heaven." I truly am thankful in my circumstances, and I will be through all the seasons, places, and trials of my life. Because I choose to be. For there is beauty in all this chaos. I just have to truly look. And often, so very often... I find it. 

"Everyday may not be good. But there is something good in everyday."

Like in those moments after everyone is crying and needing me. When I feel like I'm  handling it all wrong. I gaze at the light coming through the window. I say a little prayer, and then I hear laughter in the background. And I can breathe again. It's intended to be hard. If it wasn't, these moments wouldn't be so beautiful. 

I think being patient and  L o v i n g , even when it's hard, is where true rewards come. Not in the beautiful moments of pure bliss, or when your kids are being so cute you cant stand it, or when they are sitting still, or playing in perfect harmony, or listening to every word you say, or sleeping through the night, or even if they are loving us back. 

It comes during a hard day when you were pushed to the limits, and hung on by a thread, and dropped to your knees several times and got back up again, when you tried to help one be happy when your struggling to feel good yourself and smiled through the pain. After you did your very best and gave what you lacked to Him, when their was hope in your heart to have strength to make it through the next minute, and somehow you did... Those are the blessings.

So in between all of that, when those shining moments of beauty and perfection inevitably come, they feel that much more sweet and fulfilling. Those are the rewards.

I will forever look for the good and the beauty in the chaos. For in it lies the stuff of dreams.